Yes, I have PCOS and Here are 5 Things that I'd Like You to Know

I have mentioned in a couple of posts about my battle with PCOS, and if you follow me on Instagram, it was just recently that I have somehow opened up about it and how I had been working on eating and living healthy.

I have been struggling with PCOS for more than four years now. I used to have regular periods and not a single issue during that time of the month, until stress took its toll on me. And then, poof! My ovaries went crazy.

I haven't been that open about my condition as I've always thought it's a personal matter which shouldn't be divulged online for everybody to feast in. But along with a number of questions brought about by my subtle revelation in my online posts, when I look back and think about how some people have been rude to me (intentionally or not) over the past years, it suddenly got into my senses that still a lot of people are unaware of how big of a battle PCOS really is.

And since September is PCOS awareness month, it's but fitting to let you know my thoughts. I will not go into the scientific and medical explanations about what PCOS is, as I am no expert and Google would be very handy for that, but I'd like to share my own experiences. Yes, I am a PCOS fighter, and here's what I (and I'm sure all women battling with PCOS), would like you to know.

1. Yes, I have PCOS and it's more than just a problem with my ovaries.

PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which mainly affects the ovaries, yes, but there's definitely so much more to it. It is an endocrine disorder that has greatly affected almost every area of my body and my life.

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I gain weight easily—I used to be fit, no, sexy, if I may call it, but my 50-kg body spiked to a whopping let's-not-get-into-that number when I started to have PCOS. I have mood swings—I think Mark sometimes thinks how crazy I am especially when at one point I'm so sweet and all, but then I'd snap and turn into a total monster. Even my family had their fair share of my grumpiness. :p

I also experienced depression. There were times when I'd curl up in bed wanting to do nothing but be all alone. I sometimes cry myself to sleep thinking about how I don't seem to be getting well and how my old clothes won't fit anymore. There are also times when I can’t think clearly that it's kind of hard for me to even get through the day. And I have this greatest fear about not being able to bear a child. :(

2. Yes, I have PCOS and I try as much as I can to control my moods, but sometimes I just can't help it and for that, I'm sorry.

There are times when I can determine if my hormones are acting up and if I'm being irrational but most of the time, I just don’t have control over my moods. No, seriously. I know how I can be difficult at times and it really is something that I'm definitely not proud of, but sometimes, I also honestly do not know why I feel how I feel or react as such. :(

I've been into serious arguments with my sister, my mom, my dad, and most of the time with Mark, because of reasons that sometimes don't even have anything to be angry about. My mood swings sometimes get in the way and I know that they're not fun for anyone nor healthy at all. And for that, I’m really sorry. There are just some days that I need to be given a little more tenderness as it’s just been surely one of those days, honestly. I know I shouldn't be blaming it to PCOS alone, as I know better, and it is something that I am really working on.

3. Yes, I am overweight, but it's not for lack of trying and it's definitely not because I eat a lot.

I've had some people look at me and say that I really should stop eating so much especially since I am a food blogger, or that I am lazy and I must not have been doing something about losing weight. Oh, please!

While some women with PCOS doesn't have an issue with their weight, most women struggle with it. PCOS made it so easy for me to gain weight, it wasn't even a matter of months when my weight shoot up, however, losing it has been a constant struggle for me.

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But don't think that I'm all okay with it. Just because I don't usually post about it online, doesn't mean that I'm not doing anything about it. Just because I blog about food, doesn't mean that I eat a lot and I eat everything. Just because I don't post any workouts or meal preps, doesn't mean that I'm not doing it. So please cut me some slack. Don't worry, I'll make sure to flood you with posts when I get back to my sexy body. Hahaha! :D

4. Yes, I have PCOS, it's an expensive battle and it's not convenient.

Having PCOS is an expensive battle. The consultation fees and medications that I have to go through each month for more than four years would have probably made me a millionaire by now. :p Aside from the consultation fees and medications, I also had to invest on the things that I have to do to get PCOS in control like clean eating and healthy living.

Eating and living healthy is more expensive than you think if you're just a normal health buff than when you're battling with PCOS as there are a lot of food that you need to look out for. It also doesn't help that I have GERD and an abnormal structure of my esophagus, which doesn't allow me eat even foods that are for health buffs. So I have to clearly watch out on my food intake, which is definitely a lot less expensive if I just go stuff myself with some burgers or pizza.

I am also just lucky enough that Mark is my personal trainer so I don't have to shell out for gym memberships and personal trainers. But PCOS still eats up my time since I need to allot at least an hour of weight training everyday to keep my weight in control, if not make it lower. I also spend a big chunk of my time in meal preps and I also practise timed eating (eating at specific times of the day) everyday.

Having PCOS for years has been very inconvenient for me. There are times when I don't get my period for months. I get the symptoms monthly though—skin breakouts, lower back aches, lower abdominal cramps, headaches, nausea, and all—but aunt flow just won't come around. And when she does, it's like ugh! Add the fact that my medications make me sick to the stomach. Oh, if only I can have myself confined in a hospital just to get relieved. Yeah, it's that crazy.

That's why I feel really bad when people would think that it's just PCOS. I even had an experience before where I was accused of faking my condition. Seriously? Who in the right mind would do that? And no, I'm not asking about the faking part, but the accusing part. I didn't even have a single thought that those people would think about me that way. And that was when I felt at my lowest, which made me decide to cut ties with them since they are not really helping me at all.

Treating my PCOS for a lot of years now has been exhausting and I have invested a lot of time, money, and energy in it. So you see, it's definitely not "just PCOS"!

5. Yes, I have PCOS but I am not alone and I am definitely determined to win this battle.

PCOS affects one in ten women worldwide and although I don't find total joy in it that someone is also struggling, it gives me hope to at least be aware that I am not alone in my struggle. It also helps that, little as it is, I have my own support system in Mark and my family.

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PCOS is definitely not fun. For one, it's symptoms often make me feel unattractive and I know that I am at risk of a lot of secondary health issues. It's also sad that at the moment, there is no cure for PCOS and this is something that I have finally learned to live with, after a series of denials of course. :p

But I'm glad I finally got to accept my condition. I don't want to call it an unfortunate condition since I have greatly learned and I am still continuously learning and knowing a lot of things about myself and the people who truly cares. So, no, PCOS doesn’t affect just my ovaries. It affects me.

But although it's not curable, I made it clear to myself that PCOS doesn't have to define who I am. Having PCOS doesn't make me any less of a person. And it definitely doesn't make me any less of a woman. PCOS is definitely not going to get the better of me. I know I can (and I definitely will) get my symptoms under control. I am determined and I will win this battle!

I just firmly hope that people would be well aware that it's not "just PCOS". That every woman with PCOS is different. That what works for some, might not always work for me. That it doesn't affect just my ovaries. That is affects me as a person. And that no, those nasty looks and ~~rude comments~~ unsolicited advice wouldn't be of any help. :p